


Communication Breakdown

by AwatereJones



Series: Ianto Strikes Back [9]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Gen, Humor, Owen is the real Twat, System Failure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5616190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a fault over on FF where all PMs and Reviews are not going through, has been like it since new year started.</p><p>I was getting annoyed, now I'm sort of weirdly amused.</p><p>This is how I think our Coffee King would react.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys

Sorry to interrupt your busy day but I have a problem and hope you can help.

Our internal message system seems to have failed, I have tried contacting you all several times with no response, I know at least Toshiko responds immediately even if the rest of you sometimes ignore me.

Sorry Jack, yes you answer as well, just not always in a helpful way.

Owen, if you can pull yourself away from what you are doing to confirm this e-mail.

Gwen, if you can look up from the file you are reading and confirm please.

Tosh, I know you are probably already confirming, thank you.

Jack, nothing lewd this time please.

Thank you

Ianto

.

.

.

.

Hi Ianto

Everything seems fine, I'll do a scan to make sure.

Tosh

.

.

.

Ianto Yeah, OK here. Gwen

.

.

.

TWAT

.

.

.

Ianto

I will say whatever you want me to say. Just bring me a coffee and the stopwatch when you are ready.

Jack :-0'

.

.

.

Tosh

Thank you I would appreciate it. Sorry to interrupt your updates.

Ianto.

.

.

.

.

Gwen

Sorry to interrupt the magazine you were reading inside the file. Have you heard of leaving a space between name, content etc? See how we do it? The enter bar on the keyboard also gives you a new line.

Ianto

.

.

BOOGERBREATH

.

.

.

Cariad

That was fine, yes and no. Behave or I will have to take you over me knee!

Later if you are lucky.

Your Ianto

Xx

.

.

Ianto

There was an internal failure, I have fixed it and you should get several backlogs of messages through the internal system. Thank you for letting me know.

Tosh

.

.

.

JACK: Ianto – coffee?

JACK: Ianto – please?

OWEN Twat – coffee.

OWEN Twat – now!

OWEN Twat – Put him down or spit him out or whatever. Coffee.

GWEN: Ianto could I please get another highlighter pen?

OWEN: Oi Twat, stop ignoring me.

JACK: Are you OK?

GWEN: Pink?

OWEN: If you don't give me a coffee I will tell the Coat Man what I saw you doing with that coat!

GWEN: Pet?

TOSH: Did you move my file on the astrophysics of the glandertolita's spherical properties?

OWEN: Ianto? Don't ignore me, I can do terrible things when I'm angry!

GWEN: Blast. I'm I doing this right?

OWEN: I may not turn green but I can get bloody huge when … fuck.

TOSH: Never mind, I found it. Sorry

JACK: COFFEE! Please babe?

OWEN: Please ignore that last one. How the fuck do you delete them?

GWEN: goemvpwotpslalc874dnb

OWEN: I meant how the Hulk gets so big and menacing, not the other.

GWEN: Sorry if that went through, leant on the keyboard.

OWEN: I am a big boy already.

GWEN: If you don't have any pink just say.

OWEN: You bastard. You better delete these. They read really dumb, it's not what I mean.

JACK: Tosh may need help with something. A file? She came in before looking for you.

OWEN: Yan?

JACK: Are you angry with me?

OWEN: TWAT

TOSH: I hope you can read this now and it is resolved. Thanks Ianto

OWEN: TWAT?

.

.

.

Ianto read them and frowned. They were instant messages on his screen and he didn't usually read them condensed as an archive.

Owen did sound like a divvy. He considered what to do, then calmly hit RESEND ALL and then chose ALL STAFF.

Owen's scream was loud and girly as Tosh laughed softly. Gwen gaped and was not sure if she should be offended or not.

Jack?

JACK: Ianto – Does that mean coffee now?

JACK: Babe – How later is later?

OWEN: TWAT

 


	2. Still not working properly

Good Morning Tosh

There have been a few things happen during the night and I'm sure you will find the updates in your in-box.

Unfortunately, we are still having issues with our internal messages. As Owen and Gwen were on night-shift I do not expect a lot of messages pending but could you please do a re-boot of that that program? They seemed to have left before I arrived.

I hope I do not appear too rude in my demand but I do think there are some from Jack in there about the Unit meeting tomorrow and today is his 'off-base' day.

Thanks for your patience.

Ianto.

.

.

.

Ianto

Sorry to see that, I will re-boot immediately, you should see them all come through momentarily.

Tosh

.

.

.

JACK: Left a file for you on your desk, and a new bit of tat, don't push the red button.

OWEN: Did you leave the coffee thing empty on purpose?

GWEN: Where is the coffee Carafe?

OWEN: Do you know where Jack put the file on the Ferdillian he shot?

OWEN: Never mind I found it

OWEN: It was in his drawer, along with 'other' things

OWEN: Do you wear the fluffy handcuffs or does he?

OWEN: Are you asleep already? You usually answer theses on your PDA

GWEN: Ianto? Where is the Coffee?

OWEN: Are you busy with Jack again? God, I thought it was his day off … the t-boy

OWEN: Did you rearrange my drawers AGAIN you Twat?

GWEN: I know you hate me going into your stuff but I am looking for the coffee Carafe

OWEN: Gwen is skiving off again, tell your 'pump-action' Captain

GWEN: I am on your computer hope that is OK

OWEN: Your giant bat shat in the fountain

OWEN: I am not cleaning that up

GWEN: Tec should be contained, not left on desks Jack said so

OWEN: Gwen is still skiving. I am taking a break too

OWEN: Are you really not there? I can't find Gwen

OWEN: Put the Captain down, spit him out or whatever and help me find Gwen

OWEN: Used hub sensors. She is in your office.

OWEN: The sensors are malfunctioning, no Gwen

OWEN: T-boy, do you really collect Star Wars stuff?

OWEN: Where did you get the lightsaber?

OWEN: Lightsaber is cool, didn't have you pegged as a red.

OWEN: Lightsaber broken

OWEN: Still no Gwen

OWEN: Han Solo Doll arm came off, don't know how.

OWEN: Was like that.

OWEN: Why does he had a little coat?

OWEN: Luke Skywalker weird with little suit on

OWEN: Did you know that they float?

OWEN: Still can't find Dozy Mare

OWEN: Not trying Darth Vader Helmet, not doing that again

OWEN: Are you ignoring me?

OWEN: Tat on desk getting a play now

OWEN: Ianto? I'm touching all your shit

OWEN: I will keep do .rghprppppp

OWEN: nfdvoergj0[94or3-fjbf md n0e=goq

OWEN: kfkfkfkfkfkfkfopyitjiyhrijwe vekfbewgk

.

.

.

Ianto sighed as he rubbed his face and looked over at Jack who was swinging in his chair as he laughed with Tosh about something, he had collected some medical supplies for Flat Holm, seems he needed a coffee. Ianto now knew why the coffee carafe was in the sink.

Ianto had asked about the tat and sighed at the vague answer between gawfs of laughter with Tosh.

Ianto quietly rose and made his way to the weapons locker and extracted a stun gun. Wouldn't want to hurt them.

He walked quietly down to his archival office and peeked around the door.

The water pool in the corner that connected to the main hub pool was calm as several action figures floated happily, like at a spa. Han Solo had all his arms and Ianto narrowed his eyes as he considered what a fucking liar Owen was. Hopefully the light sabre isn't broken either. Jack was fond of that.

He then quickly shut the door and leaned against it.

"Gwennie? Owen? Come on, come on then" Ianto sing-songed as he placed the cage down and knelt, placing the cup of coffee inside.

Two rats shot out from under the desk and into the trap, fighting each other to get to the elixir.

Ianto closed the trap and sat, letting them drink eagerly.

"Gwen, stop pushing his head into it, share please" Ianto said softly as he shook his head.

The black rat slid out from under the white one and shook his head as coffee ran down his fur, then turned and tipped her into the cup with a squeak of rage.

"Owen!" Ianto scolded, "Dirty pool old man!"

Ianto sighed as he lifted the cage and placed the bit of tec in his pocket, then headed up to the main hub.

Jack was going to love this!

.

.

.

**Day 5, Review function still down over on FF. WOW, how long does FF usually have a fault before fixing it? LOL**. 

Still have you guys though
    
    
              o o
    
    
    
              | |
    
    
    
             _L_L_
    
    
    
          }\/__-__\/{
    
    
    
          }(|~o.o~|){
    
    
    
          }/ \`-'/ \{
    
    
    
            _/`U'\_
    
    
    
           ( .   . )
    
    
    
          / /     \ \
    
    
    
          \ |  ,  | /
    
    
    
           \|=====|/
    
    
    
            |_.^._|
    
    
    
            | |"| |
    
    
    
            ( ) ( )
    
    
    
            |_| |_|
    
    
    
        _.-' _j L_ '-._
    

  (___.'                '.___)


End file.
